With Pastor Carol Wanjau
Why is sex a taboo topic discussed in hushed tones in Christian settings?
Yet God created and invented sex. As a result of our reluctance to healthily embrace and teach on it, the world has successfully pushed out a faulty view of sex and sexuality. For example sex is largely portrayed in the media as being casual, spontaneous and based purely on physical passions. At the same time pornography is increasingly being promoted as an acceptable and even beneficial element to marriage, never mind that it adversely rewires the brain, is highly addictive, and makes people less relational.
Sex was designed as a lovely and beautiful thing for spouses to enjoy and express their love to each other. Wrong perceptions about it will continue to limit our ability to enjoy it as God intended.
To help us better understand how we can make the most of this gift from God, Dr Nancy Houston, a licensed counsellor and sex therapist, gives the following three tips:
Have a healthy view of sexuality. Sex is not some dirty thing to be hidden underneath the bed. It was God’s idea! As the creator of our sexuality, it is part of His purpose and plan that we are sexual creatures. Let us then break away from the shame that often accompanies the talk of sex, and embrace it as a key part of marriage.
Connect your spirituality and sexuality. God wants to be your teacher, even in sex. Invite Him into your sexuality and ask Him to teach you how to be sexual with your spouse. He will guide you through the stresses of life that generally affect the sexual health of marriages, and help keep the flame alive between you and your partner.
Have honest conversations about sex with your spouse. Don’t shy away from honest conversations in which your spouse and you share your needs with each other. Openly discuss how to make your marital bed a warm and nurturing place for both of you. Don’t complain about not being sexually satisfied when you have not spoken up and expressed your feelings to your partner. In the same light, don’t be so preoccupied with your needs that you forget your partner’s. The two of you are supposed to be sexual friends, mutually caring for the other.
This may not be commonly heard or said, but God is in your bedroom or at the very least, He wants to be. Just as He would be concerned about and willing to help out in other areas of your marriage, so is He interested in sustaining the sexual health and intimacy of you and your spouse. If you have sexual struggles in your marriage. Invite God to intervene in your sexual relationship with your partner and seek the appropriate professional help where necessary.
- God never intended for sex to be just about bodies. He created it to be a way married people expressed love to each other.
- Don’t believe the lie. Pornography is not harmless. It will destroy your marriage.
- God designed sex to be beautiful and lovely for married couples to enjoy.
- Have honest conversations with your spouse about your sexual needs.
- Parents must be the primary sexual educators of their children.
- Make it safe to have conversations about sex with your spouse.
- Seek the Lord for ways to be sexual with your spouse.
- God created sex. Invite Him into your sexuality.
- You should be sexual friends with your spouse.
- The marital bed is meant for mutual pleasure.
- Don’t reduce sex in your marriage to duty.
Carol Wanjau is an Executive Pastor at Mavuno Church and is also a Marriage and Family Therapist and Author.