with Pastor Carol Wanjau

Dynamics of Working Together

A typical marriage comprises two adults from different backgrounds with different personalities and communication styles. If not well balanced, these differences can lead to stand-offs in the home. To blend and complement each other’s differences therefore, there has to be an intentional effort from both spouses to find the middle ground within their marriage.

Mavuno South lead Pastor Angela Kimaru and her husband Pastor Nick Kimaru share how they have managed to overcome this problem and remain in sync with each other.

Be self-aware and understand your insecurities Many times the way you respond to your spouse is influenced by your insecurities. You must therefore, seek to understand yourself. This happens through self-assessment and introspection. Learn what your insecurities are, seek to understand their roots and how you can overcome them. Thereafter you will be able to avoid your triggers as well as help your spouse understand you.

Study your spouse Study and observe your partner’s background, personality, and communication style. Knowing these things will help you understand him/her and inform you on how best to relate to them.

Learn to listen Cultivate the habits of waiting for your partner to express themselves and respecting their point of view even if it is contrary to yours. This will encourage more open conversations in your marriage as your spouse will feel emotionally safe and honoured.

Let go Choose your battles. Not everything can be a big deal. Address only those that are vital and release the rest to God. Not only will this help cut down frustration and arguing, but also bring in peace and contentment.

Pray and invite God Coming to a middle ground often involves some level of compromise and sacrifice. These require a lot of patience and self-control. Invite God to help you and let Him enforce the changes you want to see in your marriage and spouse.

Often people excuse their bad behaviours with “this is who I am,” making it the other person’s problem if they can’t accept or deal with those behaviours. In marriage this leads to conflicts that can be avoided if both partners determine to change and grow past their tendencies. As Pastor Angie and Nick have demonstrated, it is possible for couples with conflicting personalities and communication styles to adjust their extremes and strike a balance in their relationship.


  • Many times the way you respond to your spouse is influenced by your insecurities.
  • You cannot help your spouse understand you if you do not understand yourself.
  • Respect your partner’s opinion even when you do not agree.
  • In marriage learn to let things go. Not everything can be a big deal.
  • Release things to God. He will come through for you in your marriage.

Carol Wanjau is Pastor at Mavuno Church and is also a Marriage and Family Therapist. For full message on this topic log into https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CsaJh7mgjeg