Couples often come into their marriages with flawed foundations; bringing in baggage from their families of origin. Many times however, they fail to recognise this, leading to blame games and ensuing conflicts. Below are a few ways in which a couple can overcome these conflicts and differences:

Check the posture of your heart in marriage Whenever you confront your spouse, ensure that the motive of your heart is to resolve the issue and not to guilt-trip or attack your partner. Your marriage should be a win-win situation for both of you, as the aim is to attack the problem and not the person.

Don’t dwell in the past Don’t hold your partner’s mistakes over their head. You cannot change the past, but you can both work on your future. Purpose to learn from the mistakes made and come up with ways in which these mistakes can be avoided in the future.

Choose the right approach Be mindful to use the right words and smart timing when seeking to hash out issues. Harsh words may make your partner feel attacked, whereas wanting to deal with the issue there and then may make him/her feel ambushed. To avoid these scenarios, use considerate words and agree what the best time to have serious conversations would be.

Don’t run away from your problems Be proactive and intentional in addressing the issues in your marriage. The faster you resolve them the better you enjoy your marriage.

Have more tank-filler conversations These are conversations that build and affirm. They should be the majority of the conversations between yourself and your partner. If your conversations constantly revolve around issues being brought up, chances are your spouse will begin to avoid having serious talks with you. Make it a rule therefore, to have more conversations that build your spouse than those that are focused on resolving issues.

Whenever you are going through a rough season in your marriage, invite God into the situation and trust Him to help you through that issue.  Jesus was raised from the dead and is alive. Therefore God is able to resurrect any dead situation in your marriage. It may seem impossible to you, but remember that God makes the impossible possible.

For more information on this topic log into where Pastor Carol discusses how to overcome difference in marriage. She is joined by Mavuno Executive Pastor Antony Njoroge, and his wife, Pastor Miriam Njoroge who share on how they have been able to overcome their differences over the course of their twelve-year marriage.